Dear Picklepedia: I Say I Want to Be A 4.0, But My Actions Say Otherwise—What Gives?

By Picklepedia’s Patsy – Pickleball Coach & Retired Therapist

Dear Picklepedia,

I’m writing this because I’m honestly embarrassed, and I need someone to call me out. My name is Angela, I’m 54, and I’ve been playing pickleball for two years. I’m a solid 3.5, and everyone who knows me has heard me say—probably a hundred times—that I want to hit 4.0 by summer.

Here’s the problem: I don’t do anything about it.

I talk about drilling. I watch YouTube videos about third shot drops. I even bought a ball machine six months ago that’s now collecting dust in my garage. My buddies invite me to drill sessions on Tuesday mornings, and I always have a reason I can’t make it. Work. Errands. I’m tired. My shoulder’s a little tight.

But then Thursday rolls around, and I’m first in line for rec play, talking about how I “really need to work on my drops” while proceeding to bang another one into the net. Last week, someone asked me how the drilling was going, and I lied. I said it was going great.

The truth is, I spend more time thinking about getting better than actually working on it. I declare my goals, I analyze my weaknesses, I envision myself playing at a higher level—and then I do nothing. It’s like saying it out loud is somehow enough.

Why do I do this? And more importantly, how do I stop?

—Angela in Ontario, Canada

Dear Angela,

Let’s start here: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. You’re just human. What you’re experiencing has a name in psychology—it’s called “goal substitution.” When you announce your intentions, your brain gives you a little hit of dopamine, the same chemical reward you’d get from actually doing the thing. Talking about drilling feels like progress, even though you haven’t picked up a paddle.

Here’s the kicker: the more you talk about it, the less likely you are to do it. Studies show that public declarations of goals can actually reduce follow-through because your brain mistakes social recognition for achievement. You’ve already gotten the validation. You’ve already been seen as someone working toward 4.0. Why would your brain push you to do the hard part now?

But there’s something deeper happening here, and it goes way beyond pickleball.

What you’re describing is a breakdown of integrity with yourself.

Most people think integrity is about keeping promises to other people. And sure, that’s part of it. But the foundation of integrity—the thing that determines whether people can trust you, whether you can trust yourself—is whether you do what you say you’re going to do when no one’s watching.

Every time you say you’ll drill and don’t, you’re teaching yourself that your word means nothing. You’re eroding the relationship you have with yourself. And here’s the brutal truth: if you can’t keep commitments to yourself, you’re eventually going to stop keeping them to other people too.

I had a friend years ago—fellow therapist, actually—who was constantly breaking small promises to herself. She’d say she was going to go to the gym, then skip it. She’d commit to reading before bed, then scroll her phone instead. None of it seemed like a big deal.

But over time, it bled into everything. She’d tell her husband she’d handle something and forget. She’d commit to plans with friends and cancel last minute. The pattern that started with herself spread outward, and it damaged relationships she cared about. When she finally came to me about it, I told her what I’m telling you:

All relationships start with the one you have with yourself.

If you can’t trust your own word, why would anyone else? And more importantly, how do you build anything meaningful—on the court or off—when you’re operating from a place of broken promises?

The real issue isn’t motivation. It’s fear dressed up as procrastination.

You’re not avoiding drilling because you’re lazy. You’re avoiding it because drilling forces you to confront the gap between where you are and where you want to be. Rec play lets you hide in the chaos. Drilling puts your flaws under a spotlight. And if you drill for three months and you’re still not 4.0? Then what? You can’t blame lack of effort anymore.

So let’s fix this.

First, stop announcing your goals. Seriously. Stop telling people you’re working toward 4.0. The validation you get from that conversation is working against you. Keep it to yourself. Let your game do the talking.

Second, find a challenge that’s short enough to finish and exciting enough to start. Not “drill three times a week for six months.” Not even “get better at drops.” Pick something concrete with a finish line you can see: a 3-day challenge, a 7-day challenge, maybe a 21-day challenge if you’re feeling ambitious. The key is this: it needs to be short enough that you can’t talk yourself out of it, and specific enough that you know exactly what “done” looks like. Then build up to longer streaks like 30 days and beyond.

Start it immediately. Not next Monday. Not after you “get organized.” Today. Because the longer you wait, the more time your brain has to substitute planning for action. Find an accountability buddy to do it with who you know follows through or someone who struggles to commit, and step in as the leader for both of you.

Here’s what happens when you complete a challenge: You get a hit of real dopamine—not the fake stuff you get from announcing your intentions, but the genuine neurochemical reward that comes from follow-through. You prove to yourself that your word has weight. You build evidence that you’re someone who finishes what they start. And that evidence becomes the foundation for the next challenge, and the one after that.

You’re not training your backhand right now—you’re training your ability to follow through. Integrity with yourself isn’t built in one grand gesture. It’s built in small, repeated completions that stack on top of each other until keeping your word becomes automatic.

Third, reframe failure. Drilling isn’t about looking good. It’s about sucking systematically until you don’t. If you hit 50 drops and 48 go in the net, that’s not failure—that’s data. You’re eliminating what doesn’t work.

And fourth—this is the big one—ask yourself what you’ll lose if you actually become a 4.0. Will you lose the comfort of being “on the journey”? Will you have to find a new story to tell about yourself? Sometimes we sabotage our own progress because we’re afraid of who we’ll have to become when we get there.

Angela, that ball machine in your garage isn’t the problem. The problem is you’re in love with the idea of improvement more than the process of it. And every time you choose comfort over commitment, you’re telling yourself that your word doesn’t matter.

Take on one challenge. Complete it. Then take on another. Build trust with yourself one rep at a time.

—Patsy
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