Share with picklers

Shares

The Silent Treatment in Pickleball Doubles: Why It Backfires & Breaking The Habit


In pickleball doubles, teamwork hinges on communication—calling shots, strategizing, and offering encouragement keep partners in sync. Yet, when frustration takes over, some players resort to the silent treatment, shutting down all interaction with their partner. This withdrawal might feel like a way to cope with irritation, but it often backfires, creating tension that damages the partnership and the game’s joy. By delving into the psychological roots of this behavior and providing practical, science-backed tips, this article aims to help you recognize the harm of the silent treatment, foster self-awareness, and shift toward a more collaborative mindset on the court.

The Pain of Silence: A Partnership Tested

At a community court in Raleigh, North Carolina, Sarah and her doubles partner, Emily, were in the middle of a recreational match. Sarah, a competitive player, grew frustrated as Emily missed several shots, her usual chatter replaced by tight-lipped silence. When Emily tried to suggest a strategy, Sarah didn’t respond, her icy demeanor signaling her displeasure. Emily, feeling ignored, became hesitant, missing more shots as her confidence waned. Their lack of communication led to a string of errors, and they lost the match. Worse, Emily felt isolated, later sharing that she felt “invisible” on the court, a sentiment that strained their friendship off the court as well.

The silent treatment in doubles creates a vicious cycle. By withdrawing, the frustrated player cuts off vital communication, leaving their partner guessing about positioning and strategy. This lack of coordination often leads to more mistakes, amplifying tension. The silenced partner, like Emily, may feel rejected or blamed, eroding trust and team cohesion. Pickleball’s social essence—its ability to foster connection—dims, replaced by disconnection and resentment, underscoring the need to address why this behavior occurs.

The Deeper Issues: Why We Go Silent

The silent treatment often stems from deeper psychological and mindset issues that surface under pressure. At its core, this behavior reflects a struggle with emotional regulation. A study in Frontiers in Psychology highlights that competitive stress activates the amygdala, the brain’s emotional center, triggering impulsive reactions like withdrawal. When a partner misses a shot, the frustrated player may feel a loss of control, retreating into silence as a coping mechanism to avoid confrontation or mask their own insecurities.

Perfectionism also plays a role. Sports psychologist Dr. John F. Murray, in an article for Psychology Today, explains, “Perfectionists often react to perceived failure with avoidance, distancing themselves to protect their self-image.” For Sarah, Emily’s missed shots felt like a reflection of her own performance, prompting her to withdraw rather than address the issue directly. This reaction can be fueled by attribution bias—blaming a partner for mistakes while overlooking external factors, such as a skilled opponent or challenging conditions.

Lack of empathy in high-pressure moments further contributes. Dr. Jamil Zaki, a Stanford psychologist, writes in The War for Kindness that “stress can diminish empathy, making us less attuned to others’ emotions.” When focused on their own frustration, players may fail to consider how their silence impacts their partner, leading to a breakdown in teamwork and connection.

Practical Tips: Cultivate Self-Awareness and Change Behavior

Breaking the habit of the silent treatment requires self-awareness and intentional practice. These science-backed tips can help you shift your mindset, rebuild communication, and strengthen your doubles partnership:

  • Pause and Breathe to Regulate Emotions: When frustration builds, pause and take a deep breath—inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four. A Frontiers in Psychology study found diaphragmatic breathing reduces cortisol levels, calming your emotional response. This pause can prevent withdrawal, allowing you to respond thoughtfully.

  • Reframe Frustration with Self-Talk: Instead of going silent, reframe your thoughts. Tell yourself, “We’re a team, and mistakes happen.” Dr. John Ratey, in Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain, notes that positive self-talk shifts focus from frustration to collaboration, reducing the urge to withdraw.

  • Practice Empathy in the Moment: Before going silent, consider your partner’s perspective. Are they struggling? Nervous? Dr. Jamil Zaki suggests asking, “How would I feel in their shoes?” This builds empathy, encouraging you to offer support rather than silence, as Sarah could have done for Emily.

  • Communicate Openly, Even When Frustrated: Replace silence with constructive dialogue. Say, “Let’s try dinking to slow the pace,” instead of withdrawing. This keeps communication alive and collaborative, strengthening your partnership.

  • Reflect Post-Match for Growth: After a game, reflect on your behavior. Did you go silent? Journaling or discussing with a friend can identify triggers. A Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study found that self-reflection boosts emotional intelligence, helping you manage reactions over time.

Fostering a Collaborative Partnership

Shifting away from the silent treatment not only improves your game but also deepens your connection with your partner. After their tense match, Sarah took steps to repair her relationship with Emily. She apologized, admitting her silence came from her own pressure to win, not Emily’s performance.In their next match, when Emily missed a shot, Sarah broke her old habit. Instead of withdrawing, she offered positive affirmation: “Good try, Em—let’s set up for a dink next!” Emily’s face lit up, her confidence restored, and they coordinated a series of strategic dinks that won the rally. This shift transformed their dynamic—Emily felt supported, and their improved communication led to a string of wins, including a community tournament victory. Their paddle taps became a symbol of renewed trust, showing how affirmation can turn frustration into success.

Pickleball doubles thrives on partnership, not perfection. By addressing the psychological roots of the silent treatment—emotional regulation, perfectionism, and lack of empathy—you can cultivate a more collaborative mindset. These tips help you stay self-aware, communicate effectively, and build a stronger team, ensuring pickleball remains a source of joy and connection.

Summary: From Silence to Synergy

The silent treatment in pickleball doubles creates tension, but understanding its roots can lead to change. Key points include:

  • Harmful Impact: Silence erodes trust, disrupts communication, and strains partnerships.

  • Underlying Causes: Emotional regulation struggles, perfectionism, and lack of empathy drive this behavior.

  • Practical Tips: Use breathing, self-talk, empathy, open communication, and reflection to shift your mindset.

  • Transformation: Positive affirmation, as Sarah showed, boosts partner confidence and leads to wins.

  • Positive Outcome: Changing this behavior enhances teamwork and enjoyment.

Embrace these strategies to transform silence into synergy, making every match a step toward stronger partnership.

References

This article draws on expert insights and scientific studies. Below is a summary of the references used:

  • Frontiers in Psychology, “Effects of Diaphragmatic Breathing on Stress Reduction” (frontiersin.org)

  • Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, “Self-Reflection and Emotional Intelligence” (apa.org)

  • NPR, “How Exercise Helps Your Brain,” interview with Dr. John Ratey (npr.org)

  • Psychology Today, “Perfectionism in Sports,” by Dr. John F. Murray (psychologytoday.com)

  • The War for Kindness, by Dr. Jamil Zaki (Crown Publishing)

Did you enjoy this content? Our mission at Picklepedia is to bring you useful articles and stories to help your game 100% ad-free — no affiliate product links, no commissions. Support us here to help keep it that way!